Saturday, September 11, 2010

Lord, is this my path??

Well, life has been busy, VERY BUSY, here on the prairie. I have not had a moment to even sit down to compile any thoughts or events to write on my blog.

First and foremost in my life is this strong pull on my heart to go back to school. I have never even considered going to Bible College but this has been something I can't get off my mind for the past 4 weeks. It began during District Assembly in August as a small flickering ember and has continued to grow to a bright glowing presence in my mind & heart. It all began on our second day at District Assembly. After lunch I had taken a walk alone with my thoughts and God. If you have ever been to Lake Geneva Christian Center in Alexandria, you know how beautiful the grounds are and how easy it is to spend time walking and sitting near the garden with the Lord. (The picture above is a birdseye view of LGCC) Well, I decided to head back to the Worship Center a little early before our afternoon session. When I walked in the door I noticed a table up against the wall with some sort of information on it. I didn't even bother to spend anytime looking at those displays at all. (I feel badly now, because I really did neglect the information on those tables. I am sure someone worked very hard on each of those displays and I didn't even give them the respect they deserved.) Anyway, while walking past this table, I just KNEW that I needed some of the brochures. It was actually a feeling similar to a craving. I LONGED for some of these brochures. Why?? I didn't even know what they were! I did not need all of them, I did not grab them all, I craved this one and that one. Like there was some sort of purpose in the collection of these pamphlets. I took the brochures without even reading them, walked down to the pew an put them in my red Missions Convention bag. I didn't need to READ them, I just needed to HAVE them. I never touched these pamphlets again until late that night. After evening session I returned to my room. I spent quite a bit of time rewriting my notes from the incredible evening we had with Dr. Stan Toler. His words had touched my heart, mind and soul so deeply that I just had to rewrite them. After my shower, I sat down and read a few chapters of Joshua . After a while I remembered those brochures that I had placed in my bag. I spread them out on the bed and read them. I discovered that these were brochures from Nazarene Bible College. I was confused as to why I needed these brochures. I have never considered going to Bible College. I never wanted to go to Bible College. As I read these brochures I did realize that I was actually interested in the Women's Ministry pamphlet. I thought, "Maybe I am supposed to further my education in order to do the work that God wants me to...I have no idea at this time. There are too many obstacles in my way." After District Assembly, while driving the van back home to South Dakota I mentioned this to the folks in the van and one of the girls said "oh Joy, are you going to go to Bible College?!?" My only response was a nervous chuckle along with "Apparently God seems to think so!" Ever since then I cannot get this pull...this urge...this longing out of my heart. I am 39 years old, I certainly don't want to give up what little free-time I have to do homework. I have absolutely no idea how we will ever be able to afford tuition & books. Yet, I really do love the Lord. I have grown tremendously as a Christian. I do have a heart for God's work. I just don't know if this is what God wants me to do...but why would he put this on my heart & not let me get it out of my mind if he did not have this planned for my path? I mean, he TRULY will not let me get this out of my mind!! My husband and I have known for 2 years that God has brought us to South Dakota for a reason, we just didn't know why until recently. We have grown in our Faith by leaps and bounds since we joined Harvest Community Church of the Nazarene. We eagerly look forward to our time of Worship on Sundays and our Bible Study on Tuesdays. We actually look for ways that we can share the love of God in our day to day lives. Is this my path? My flesh says no, but my heart (the heart so full of love for the Lord - the heart that turns my face to Heaven & my hands to the sky to reach for His presence) says yes, this is what He has been preparing you for. This is why He brought you to South Dakota - to do His work, to be a stronger Christian, to be a part in the growth of His church in South Dakota, to be the hands and feet of God.

Well, I continue to sit back and watch the flesh battle with the heart. But yesterday I took a step. I called my high school and my college and requested my transcripts. I guess I will just have to see what God has in store for me.

**Update** After long consideration, prayer, fasting and seeking counsel with my Pastor, I now know that God truly IS calling me to Ministry. I start school in November! Thank you, Lord, for your awesome blessings on my life!

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